lifewithoutcash

Well, since I finally sat down with the disastrous mess of random bits of paper that I enjoy pretending are my ‘files’ and discovered there was NO WAY IN HELL I was going to be able to do my own taxes… I ended up getting a professional to do them. There are a couple of places that will do them for free, but the lines were so long that I actually PAID to have them done. (I don’t know if this is true everywhere, but here in NOLA, you can actually deduct this expense from your next year’s return.) So now, I have even more bits and pieces of crap to put in my ‘files’! Yes. I’m very excited about that. I’m jumping up and down as I type this.

I’m not going to use the name of the actual tax prep people, since they were really pretty nice– and they should be, considering what they charge– but the place itself was weird. It looked, a lot like I do, as though it had seen better days: coffeemaker with no coffee, duct tape holding the carpet together, and barely enough light to see the computer. They did have a large dispenser of hand sanitizer, which is something you see a lot of here. I mean like, everywhere. You walk into the convenience store and there it is, free to use: Katrina has made all of us germaphobic. (I’m not sure that’s a real word, but it’ll have to do for now.) New Orleans, where Purell reigns supreme.

The weirdest part was that it was in a fairly sketchy area… and there was only one person working there. Since she was just finishing up with another poor bastard, (and I say this because I clearly overheard her tell him he owes the Feds something like $2000.00, which I am NOT proud to admit made me feel instantly better) I decided it was a good time to go outside and smoke. I spent about two minutes out on the street before scurrying back inside, since a rather large, menacing fellow was walking his two pit bulls and talking to himself. Yes, I checked. He was not using a headset and clearly was not on the phone, unless he had a direct line to Satan. I won’t repeat the snippet of conversation that I overheard, but… yeah. It had to be Satan, or one of his minions. Eeek.

So, I went back inside the sad little storefront- and although I did have to pay for the service, at least I got it done with a minimum of angst. Plus, I got a free tee shirt that I plan on using to sleep in, since I refuse to wear anybody’s logos on my clothing. In conclusion, I think there’s a lesson to be learned from my experience: don’t put off doing your taxes, keep all your receipts in order… and just say NO to Post-Its. It’s come to my attention that I have a Post-It addiction that needs to be addressed, STAT.

And most importantly: if you are planning on smoking and see that scary dude coming, put out the cigarette. No lack of nicotine is worth dealing with bona fide crazies.

It’s also clear to me that if I quit entirely… I’ll have more cash.

Check my next post for OH MY GOD I QUIT AND NOW I WANT TO KILL SOMEONE.

Well, it’s been a couple of days since I posted anything, so I figured it was time to say… something.

I decided it’s as good a time as any to discuss FREE FUNNY. FF is good. It costs nothing and provides you with giggles and pithy anecdotes for your friends. One of the best and most consistent places for Free Funny is Craigslist New Orleans. I’m not sure about other cities, but here, it’s hilarious. Not the job listings- although they can drive you mad with their multiple misspelled words (especially noteworthy when the ad is for A WRITER)- but the personals can really cheer you up after a fruitless trip through the classifieds. I guess that in all fairness to Craigslist, the scary section does carry a disclaimer, as well as instructions on how to keep your kids from gaining access. Frankly, I think they’d find the ads more confusing than titillating, but that’s probably just me. I’m easily confused.

I’m not That Kind of Girl, so I won’t repeat any of what I’ve read… but I will say that more than a few of the ads did a damn good job of searing my poor corneas, as well as giving me enough fodder for several weeks worth of nightmares. Of course, should I ever change my mind and decide I need a housekeeper who wants to work while dressed as a donkey, I’ll know where to look. And that was one of the less bizarre examples.

So– I didn’t find anything resembling a decent job posting today, but at least I got a good, free laugh that didn’t even cost me my lunch. (Yes, I am apparently well enough now to ingest solid foods AND read obscene material simultaneously again. Things may be looking up.)

Wow. I just realized that if I want to read even more weird stuff, I don’t have to stick to Craigslist New Orleans. It looks like I have a lot of Free Funny left to read.

I’d also like to give a shout out and a heartfelt thank you to all the people who bothered to read my posts and who took the time to leave comments.

Even you, person who hates cats. You know who you are…

Well, today was one of those days. You know, the kind of day that makes you want to do things you could get arrested for? I managed to control myself, even while filling out an application for writing a regular column about cats.

OK. I love cats. Seriously, I do. I have two of them now, and one of my greatest ambitions is to end up in a decrepit old house FILLED with cats, so I can get on the evening news as the human interest story of the day. By that time, I will have no teeth and not a whole lot of brain cells left– but at least I’ll have all the cats that I want. Right now, my landlord will only let me have two. But they’re both well over fifteen pounds, so I guess that almost counts as three. Maybe two and a half?

So… back to this incredibly redundant application. I had to write –repeatedly, and in several different places on the application — why I am uniquely qualified for this column that probably six people will ever even bother to read. It was almost as if they were trying to catch me lying. You know, like “Ah-hah! You rotten poseur! You know nothing about cats! Admit it!“

Well, I stuck with the damn thing, and I even gave them a writing sample to prove I can actually put sentences together. Sentences about cats. For all six people who’ll end up needing my advice.

I suppose there are far worse things a person could do for money. Come to think of it, I have done worse things for money. (You all have very dirty minds. I’m actually talking about work that’s boring and/or pays badly.)

So… wish me luck. I have a feeling I’m going to need it.

Sorry, WC, but they weren’t looking for hamster advice. I would have been emailing you frantically if they were!

Time to feed the cats. At least they won’t make me write about them first.

Have you ever been tempted to sign up for those so-called ‘legitimate’ work from home surveys? You know– the ones that promise you’ll never have to pay a fee? The ones that promise you can supplement your income by doing online focus groups and answering simple questions from the comfort of your home computer? Promises, promises.

Since I’m running low on disposable income and cannot function without coffee and cigarettes, I decided to give the survey thing a try. BAD IDEA. I spent about an hour filling out the required information- all they really want is your email address and if they ask for more than that, get the hell off the site ASAP- and within fifteen minutes, my inbox was stuffed with messages from survey companies I didn’t even sign up with in the first place. Most of them required additional information and paid next to nothing. It took me another hour or so to unsubscribe from the Attack of the Survey Zombies and now I’m dreading the next time I check my email. Easy money from the comfort of home? You’ll probably do better if you just spend a few minutes rummaging through your couch cushions. I came up with three dollars and seventy-nine cents in change, plus a lint free Hall’s cough drop.

Of course, this doesn’t say much for my housekeeping skills, does it? Seriously, though- stay away from those so-called ‘free’ surveys. The aggravation is so not worth the scant earnings… not to mention the annoyance of getting rid of that inbox clutter.

Next time, I’ll just say NO.

Hi– I’m Pennyless, the new blogger on the block.

Life without cash. Here’s the way I see it. You can complain- and I’ll admit that sometimes a good rant helps you feel better- or you can learn how to get by with less. I like to view this as a sort of creative project. In future posts, I’ll be discussing the joys of thrift shopping, getting the biggest bang for your buck while buying what you need to survive and the fact that you can actually make shoelaces from paper bandage tape. Think of this as helpful hints and how-to advice for the financially challenged.

Comments and suggestions are not only welcomed, but encouraged. Hey- we’re all in this leaky raft together and we might as well make the best of it. Check back here at lifewithoutcash periodically: I’ll be putting together lots of ideas for Stuff That’s Free Or Close To It.

And you never can tell when some of it might come in handy.